what a day

yesterday was a day i could not decipher. none of the events that happened the moment i reached home made sense.

when i reach home, my mom was mad at me for breaking fast. that was understandable and thus, i stood silent when she scolded me. nothing wrong about that.

i went into the room, put away my bag and removed my scarf. i was too tired to take a shower first, so i rested for a while. my dad came in and started telling me off for resting. having been tired at that point of time,i didn't really bother about his words.

it was prayer time. my dad told me to pray first before i do anything else. as i approached the washroom, my mom told me to send a quick e-mail to some org pertaining to a job position she's interested in. i did it, my dad saw, and scolded me. i tried to tell him that it was a short one and mom was the one who wanted me to do it. he didn't care about any of them and remained to his stand. the blind accusations were getting on my nerves by then. but i tried to keep it down, not wanting to spark off a fight btw my parents and i.

after prayers, my dad was watchin tv. i joined in, trying to start off a small conversation just to see if he's ok. no response. it hurts but, as a daughter, it has already been emphasized on me that in all situations, i am in the wrong. so i kept my hurts to myself.

my mom went out of the room. she saw me there. my grandfather,who was in the kitchen, just finished his dinner and was washing his plates. my mom scolded me for not helping my grandfather.i saw that as a deliberate attempt to find faults in me coz nobody in the house washes the plates of others unless they happen to eat at the same time or the dishes came with a load of other utensils (pots, pans, etc). i, confused at her claim and very hurt by the many fault findings by then, went to the kitchen only to see nothing in the sink. i was trying very hard to fight back my tears by then. i am a daughter. my parents have the right to do such things to me... but why?

my mom saw the hurt look on my face and said 'what? i can't say anything to you without making you hurt, is it?' it's a line that means she doesn't like me being older and arrogant. more confused and hurt than i already am, i went into my room.

in my room, i stood quietly alone thinking if i have done anything very wrong to them. couldn't think of any that would give them an excuse strong enough to do such things to me. but i stood with the stand. i'm a daughter. whatever it is, i am in the wrong. and i will be the one who has to apologize.

mom entered the room,sarcastically apologized for hurting me, and immediately told me to go out and carry on watching tv. i rejected for i already had no mood to do so by then. who, in the right state of mind, wouldn't? she insisted and told me that i'm disrupting her dinner. i stood firm, also coz i know grandfather is out there and i don't want him to see me this way. she was pissed and said 'that's it, you will not hear anything from me from now on'.... just because i didn't want to watch tv, she didn't want to talk to me... how did that happen?

i couldn't hold it back. tears started flowing willingly down my cheeks. for a moment, i just let it out. i cried to my heart's content till i was satisfied. after which, i took my abolution and prayed, hoping that God will give me strenght to go through this ordeal.

after prayers, i went into my parents room and waited for mom to come out from the washroom. once she was out, i took her hand and kissed it. she tried to refuse but gave in unwillingly. it was a brief moment. she pulled her hand away and left the room. i swallowed that in...

that night, i talked it out to a friend on the phone. stay strong, don't think too much about it and comforting words were showered to me. then we played a game called the intelligence game. it lightened up the whole atmosphere for a while. after the conversation, i felt slightly better and fell asleep.

today, i was hoping my parents were feeling better as well. i got ready for work as quickly as i could so that i could steal some time to takl to them before i left for work. but when i wanted to leave for work, i searched the whole house... they had left. i didn't even get the chance to kiss their hands, a practice i never missed. they never left without saying bye. today, they did.

now, as i am recalling the incident and typing it in through my office's com, i still have to fight my tears back. what big sin have i done to deserve all this? i should stop here for if i were to start thinking about this, i would have to enter my next class with swollen eyes.

mom & dad, if you happen to read this, answer my questions. i don't know what the heck is going on!!!!!!!