the end of me.

frankly.. it's not tat i have nothing to say. i just don't want to drag it any longer.

i don know why they do this. like sorry makes a whole lot of difference. like it can turn back time and erase all wrongs. well.. it can't. though i know tat's the best one can do...

but what hurts is when they treat it as their safety net. do all the wrongs first. Consciously do all the wrongs they can possibly think and feel like doing first. once they're done, off they go after uttering tat word. know wat.. i can still accept it.. only if it was...... sincere.

but it wasn't. conveniently saying sorry over one sms to explain everything for a convenient reason of being embarrassed to face me is not a sincere gesture. it is even more deplorable when the things tat one finally confessed are unacceptable.

one yr of deceit. i never imagined tat i would be faced with this. i can't help but to wonder wat wrong have i done, so big tat i am faced with this. and to think tat our meet one yr back was all well meaning. though things didn't work out, i didn't expect this to come from you.

and you know wat... it hurts to realize tat you only confessed and apologized after that thing has occurred in ur life. if it didn't happen.. you might not have apologized.. you might not confessed... for God knows how much longer.

though hurt.... i am glad. i'm glad that it's finally over. and i'm very glad that your path has taken a turn for the better. so.. here it is...


the end of me.

to you...

and to all.

random thought

ya... i thought so too. i hardly do this. HARDLY, i tell you... so when i actually do.. i guess one can decipher quite alot from this.

i must say though.. i can't remember when was the last time i actually felt this strong about doing this. the last time it did, i knew it took alot of painful experiences on both my part and those who are dear to me. unable to contain it any longer, i felt i had to let it out. the last time, i let it all out in my personal diary but since now my personal diary has taken the public route, i shall play the 'saper makan cili, dierlah terasa pedasnyer' game

quite long a name for a game. korang pernah main game nie tak?? maybe not... coz i could imagine you guys being too tired to start playing just after introducing the game. let us all imagine...

A: eh! saper nak main 'saper makan cili, dier terasa pedasnyer'
B: ah? 'saper makan cili, dier terasa pedasnyer'
A: uhuh... 'saper makan cili, dier terasa pedasnyer'
B: ooohhh.. 'saper makan cili, dier terasa pedasnyer' eh! Bestnyer!
i OK GO!
A: ok eh! kiter main 'saper makan cili, dier terasa pedasnyer' eh! yeah!
B: yeah! yeah! kiter main 'saper makan cili, dier terasa pedasnyer'!
A: eh.. eh... kejap.
B: yeah! yeah! yeah! yea... ha. aper bender yang kejap?
A: tak jadi main ah.
B: ha? tak jadi? asal???
A: aku penat ah...
B: aik?!?!?! belom main, dah penat?
A: tu lah dier... heran jugak aku nie. pelik eh...
B: ah, betol. pelik benar. eh.. jap.
A: ah.. aper bender?
B: aku pon penat ah.... entah asal.
A: aik! kau pon!
B: ahah...
A: tak main lah eh...
B: ah.. tak jadi ah.


amacam? dapat imagine? confirm penat si A dan B tu... ish ish ish... kesian dorang....

ok! DIGRESSION!!!! back to the cerita.


eh.. jap....

aku dah penat ah... betol! tak bedek... kalau tak penat, confirm banyak yg nak ditulis. game 'saper makan cili, dierlah terasa pedasnyer' tu game yang memerlukan banyak tulisan kiasan. tapi macam si A dan B, aku dah penat walaupun belum setat enjen.

eh! asal aku tukar bahasa aku ah? starting starting, eksyen je nak bobal bahasa inggeris. tup tup, dah habis dialog, tros tukar bahasa malaysia? serius.. tak terlintas di otak begok nie nak tukar language! AH AH! aku biol!




EH DAH LA!

SEKIAN!

how to touch a girl...

i think i could like you...

i already do...

feelings can grow but...

they can go away too...


but i keep holding back...

coz i really can't tell...

if ur fiction or fact.

give me some flowers....

conversation for hours...

to see if we really connect.

and, baby, if we do....

ooohhh!

i'll give all my love......

FOR YOU!

BRING IT ON

1 month of not blogging does not mean that nothing has happened in my life. IN FACT, there has been many eventful things that occured in my life. whether or not ppl notice it, that's a diff story altogether.

ok! where do i start?


aha! NUS life.

SEM 1... i was completely invisible. i can walk to and fro infront of a group of ppl only to not have one person looking up at me. struggled through my 5 mods, of which some i almost competely blindly picked and for the rest, i tagged along with the only friend from JC. i had most of my lunches alone in the huge, human infested DECK. in btw lunches and lessons, i would either warm up one of those blue benches in the Forum or have very long solats and time offs letting myself be drifted off by at the scenic view AS6's mussollah. begged for help with my science GEM from one random person in LT26 of science fac. that was the only 'friend' i had then... looking at the fact that my JC friend became a babe in sch and started attracting very eligible bachelors, thus having less time with me. i can't deny the fact that she's a hottie! happy for her though... if only i am... nah... forget it.

SEM 1 break (i guess... when was fasting month?)
got involved in my first NUSMS event. progs head for iftar. GOD! was it a real test of my patience or what!!!! i could feel my newly adopted principles in life (had a few when i entered NUS) being put up for the credibility test. after that, i felt like i had to sit down and rethink abt the changes i want to have my life. it didn't feel real. aka.. i felt fake. it was then that i realise the effects of being very immersed and comfortable in a secular school's culture. say it with me... culture shock... BIG TIME!

Somewhere in DEC- JAN
second NUSMS event. i decided to be myself. i thought "hey! heck with miss nice-and-oh-so-fragile. take me for what i truly am." i have to admit though... i was hesitant to see the result of my stand. i mean.. i know what i am and i have a strong feeling ppl are going to see me different from the rest (in a bad way..) still, i got to know of a few new faces. that's a nice start... two of them stand out from the rest and i swear i didn't think twice before engraving their names in THE LIST. i was happy seeing some ppl like and able to accept the ME i'm comfortable with. ok fine.. i was skeptical.. i was pessimistic.. i was insecure.. i was naive.. i was.. all the negative lah! circle of friends widened like... SUDDENLY!!!!





eh! panjang jugak eh... dah penat bace ke blom? di sini dah malas nak meleret.


ok! point form! wakaka!

• my life turned colurful
• muslimah night with more new faces and those two sweeties
• foc with the two sweeties and more familiar faces plus a few newbies
• on trial with a new friend, so far.. like what i see
• maybe another name on THE LIST soon enough
• my name is now a cheer. haha! tanks to some TPJCians. =p

silent in my heart, despite the many beautiful things that has happened, i'm fighting one battle that does not see an end nearby. the new friends have hints of the battle.. they can't help much but they have and are still doing all that they could. it is in times like this that i miss zurie. she's my only solace. she's my other, just like how ogre and shreka complement each other.

this, i quote from ogre: "it's like a 180 degrees turn!" so explains the events that has led me to where i am now. i can't wait for the new sem to begin. have a lot of catching up to do due to solemn SEM 1. but... hey! i'm geared up!

BRING IT ON!!!!!!!

aku kene arrow

aku kene sabo
tu kalau nak kata cara kurang ajar lah

awal-awal lagi aku dah tanya
"ader aper-aper yg aku boleh buat dulu?"
"siap-siap skt ker..."

maklumlah... aku tahu tanggungjawab aku. seram jugak. jadik, biler aku free dulu, boleh aku prepare skt-skt.

tapi tak.... dier ckp
"oh! don worry. i'll update you if there's any."

jadik... aku tunggu lah...

den, aku rasa gelisah.

aper ke tidak! date nak dekat, maseh tkder update satu pon?!?!?!

so..... aku tanyer lagik.

tapi.. dier jawab.
"i'll update you if there's any."

bengang jugak... seram ke tahap kritikal.

nak blast kat dier, tak brani...

dier besar, aku terkecik sikit.

den... finally! update!

"pls attend the prep course... blah.. blah..blah.."

they will give you everything there.

aku.. OK GO!

time check... 3 days left.

den.....







BAM!


aku sorang jer yang buat SEMUA.

135 monyet berkeliaran.
2 hari berturut-turut.

AKU SORANG!

giler!?!?!?!?!

den...



BAM LAGIK!!!!!!

resources belom siap. dorang tak tau. tkder org bilang.
den aku dah bilang, dorang kater tak cukup time.


skarang....

at least...(Alhamdulillah)
aku ader time skt lagik.

and...

ader lagi satu org sudi tolong aku.

aku hanya berusaha sedaya kemampuan...

yg laen.........


tawakal jer lah yer...

MUSLIMAH NIGHT

CHECK THIS WEBSITE OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PASS AROUND THIS INFO TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!

http://www.muslimahnight.blogspot.com

IT'S GONNA BE FUN!!!!!!!!! SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!


OH WAIT...... FEMALES ONLY!

people say

pelik ah...

i only said that someone likes me.
i didn't say anything about my part.

but they somehow managed to come up
with some cheesy story about the two of us.

alah mcm yg dlm drama hindustan.
you like me, i like you, we ok go, den kiss in the rain
dat kind of thing.

rosak hidup aku
sebab cerita mcm ini lah.

haiz... kawan.. kawan...
What else can i say.