am i wrong?

am i wrong...
to tell the truth?
to relieve myself from the guilt
that i have in me

am i wrong...
to hide nothing from you?
so that trust will exist
between the both of us

am i wrong...
to reveal something before you
all in the name of truth
all for the sake of a friend

they say that the truth is the best
does it still stand?
am i the only one
who still believes in this?

if i am not in the wrong
then why do i feel bad?
why do i sense as though i've
dug my own grave

if i am in the wrong
then what was i supposed to do?
which part of it was wrong?
what should i do now?

if simple things are getting this complicated
the world is coming to an end.....
am i wrong for that too?

fir the first time

are those your eyes
is that your smile
i've been searching for you forever
yet i never saw you before

are these your hands
holding mine
now i wonder how
i could have been so blind

for the first time
i am looking in your eyes
for the first time
i'm seeing who you are
i can't believe how much i see
when you're looking back at me
now i understand what love is
for the first time

can this be real
can this be true
that i'm the person i was this morning
and are you the same you

it's all so strange
how can it be
all along this love was
right in fron of me

such a long time ago
i have given up on finding this emotion
ever again
but you're here with me now
yes... i've found you somehow
and i've never been so sure

for the first time

don't you dare

Don't you dare think
you know me
as though you can read
the contents of my heart

Don't you dare speak
as though you're a pro
knowing every single thing
that troubles me

Don't you dare talk
as though i'm a fool
like i know nuts about myself
as though i suck in handling my life

Don't you dare behave
as though i am stupid
thinking i need you as a model
as though i have no brains of my own

Don't you dare say
things i already know
constantly emphasizing on them
as though i have not learnt

Don't you dare!!!!!!
Don't you dare!!!!!!
for...
i'm not stupid
i'm not a fool
i'm not clueless
and for...
I KNOW MYSELF!!!!!!!

DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

you asked me if i love you
and i choked on my reply
i'd rather hurt you honestly
than mislead you with a lie

sometimes when we touch
the honesty's too much
that i ahve to close my eyes
and hide

i want to hold you till i die
till we both break down and cry
i want to hold you
till the fear in me subside

romance and all it's strategy
keeps me battling with my pride
but thrugh all the insecurity
some tenderness survive

at times i'd like to break you
and drive you to your knees
at times i'd like to break through
and hold you endlessly

at times i understand you
and i know how hard you've tried
i've watched my love command you
and i've watched love pass you by

at time i think we're drifters
still searching for a friend
a brother or a sister
but then passion
flares again!

why is it meant to be?

why is it meant to be...
this way?
my heart is in shatters....
i love you...
you know that
but....
why is it meant to be?

now every tree
renews it's summer's green
why is your heart in winter's garment's clan
your beauty says
my love is summer's queen
but your cold love like winter
makes me sad
then either spring
with buds of love again
or else congeal my love
with your disdain

2004.2004
is it meant to be...
this way...
in separation...
lies pain....
in pain...
lies me...
but...
why is it meant to be?

i'm in pain...
in great pain...
my heart's ablown
shattered....
hah...
what's new...
but...
why is it meant to be?

it's ok...

yeaterday,
was a day of sadness.
for me, my friends, ekamatra.
we lost the battle
ofwhich we have prepared
very well to the best of our abilities.

disappointment...
regret....
resentment....
suspicion....
guilt...
were intensely felt then.

we might be able to say,
it's ok... we have tried our best
the throphy's just not ours
at least we won something
but the truth was clear
we couldn't accept it.

i do feel the pain...
even though i wasn't on stage
even though the audience couldn't see me
i do feel the sorrow...
the feeling of being lost
in my own dream.

but...
as much as i am sad
i am glad that it happened
for there is a bright side to it
beneath the tears, heartache
beneath it all lah.

coz it was because of the pain
that i have people crying on me
seeking comfort in my arms
using my shoulder to cry on
wet it really well
and leave for another, drier shoulder

it was during the time of great disappointment
that i can behave like a shield
to protect and safeguard you
from the harms of the earth
when you are in your most vulnerable state
i was there, hiding my own tears to catch yours

in all, i thank God for the moment
for it was then that i realize
the deep feeling of love that i have for you
the bond that we actually have
strong enough for you to instantly
seek refuge in me

so it's ok...
it's ok that we lost
coz we have won in our own ways
in ways that are more valued than throphies
in ways better than the elation the 3 schools felt
it is bitter moment turned sweet.