there is something about the oreo

there is something about the oreo
the one which once sat on your desk
my hopes and fantasies hidden beneath
the blue wrapper that i wished you had opened.

there is something about the oreo
the one which i gave at the start of your day
to probably shine some light into
the dim morn you had then.

there is something about the oreo
the one that you left untouched, undisturbed
left laying there on your table through
till the day you left it for good.

there is something about the oreo
the one which i had hoped you would accept
that stabs through me when i see it now
a reminder of my foolishness.

there is something about the oreo
that makes me moan in sadness
what once was a symbol of hope
is now but a painful reminder of reality.

there is something about the oreo
that makes me regret yesterday so much
all the hopes and dreams i had, i should have known
were so undeserving of me.

there is something about the oreo
that makes me want to move on
but held back by the rejection plastered on it
a flashback of the tearful walk home

there is something about the oreo
that begs for acceptance
from anybody, anyone
before my heart is at peace

there is something about the oreo

there is...

and it is you.

brenden.

brenden.... hear me.

brenden.... hear me...


ever hopeful,
filled with dreams,
bright new,
brand new,
hopeful schemes,
pastel shades,
and Wedgwood skies,
first light
of loving
in your eyes,
soon to dim
and then you flee,
leaving me
alone
with me,
the thing i fear,
burning rivers
in my head,
bereft of all
we shared,
my soul
so old,
so young,
so bare,
afraid of you,
of me,
of life,
of men...

the loneliness

i'm sitting here
thinking bout
how i'm gonna do without
you were round in my life
and how am i gonna get by

ain't got no days
just lonely nights
you want the truth
well girl, i'm not alright
feel out of place and out of time
i think i'm gonna lose my mind

so tell me how you feel
i'm lonely
are you for real
so lone...
do you still think of me
i think of you...
baby still
loneeee.....
do you dream of me at night
it's like i dream of you all the time
so loneeeeee....

oh let me tell you how it feels
it's like everyday i die
wish i was dreamin but it real
when i open up my eyes
oh let me tell you how it feels
and i don see your pretty face
i think that i will never love again.


i miss your face
i miss your kiss
i even miss the arguments
that we would have
from time to time
i miss you standing by my side

i'm dying here
can't you see
there ain't no you
god knows there ain't no me
don't want to live
i want to die
if i can't have you in my life.

brenden morias

life now is a bliss...
awaiting results,
working as a teacher,
inspiring more people than i imagined,
found my calling...

currently, i'm teaching in Nan Chiau High School... Love the students there. never thought that secondary one students can be extremely brilliant. they know freaky things like the battle of waterloo, some wellington guy or place... i don't know! i don't have a clue about what they were talking about.

i am not the only relief teacher there. there's at least 3 others. 2 are similarly awaiting results while the other is awaiting NS. One's from National JC, the other from Hwa Chong JC, and the last is taking private diploma after realizing that engineering was not his cup of tea.

i've had a lot of people offering their help on my first day... the teachers there are very friendly and have great sense of humour. i had an aha moment when i first got my place in the staff room. gosh!!!! i have never felt as awkward sitting around teachers as i had then. it feels as though i'm a chick being thrown into a lake full of corcs. but i got over it after some time...

here's the fun part... i was teaching sec 1C when i suddenly saw a strangely familiar looking man pass by my class. when he noticed me, he also gave me a second glance. when our eyes met for the 3rd or 4th time, it was only then that i realized that i have found the one person who had impacted my life greatly but left almost immediately after that. Mr Rahim... he was my malay relief teacher back when i was in CVSS. he was my mentor, my best friend and my diary then and it was a great blow for me when he had to leave. but now, i am reliefing under the same roof as him. and 1C is his form class. talking about fate.. haha! but his re-emergence in my life, especially at this time and this place, has eased my load by a ton. he's come back into another episode of my life to do what he does best - help me sort out my life. he has helped me adapt myself into the life of a teacher, well at least until the permenant teacher comes back. that is the main reason how i can blend in quickly and fit in quite comfortably. but i can't always depend on him... thus, i still have a lot more things to get used to. and there's another helpful teacher - miss ashikin. she's been there, willingly rendering her help since the moment i stepped into the school. i am greatly in debt with these two, especially these two teachers.

brenden morias... will remain just a fantasy. as always, it will fade. so i shall not do anything and just let you pass without leaving a mark. you will leave this episode, only being but one of the many that i have dreamt of but never got to bring to life. i must try to fight. i must not faulter, not again. i don't want to get hurt. i must be strong.i must... i must...

but again.. it is always hard. very hard that it has conquered a part of my heart before i could even react. still.... i MUST!!!! I CANNOT LET YOU COME AND GO! JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE! i must fight this feeling for i know it is not real.

just this time.... i hope i win. i hope i will come out of it gay and unscarred.

i hope....


i really do...