i miss her....

sometimes...
i think to myself...
are friends really there for you all the time.

not that i am having any problems with my friends now.

all of them are great.
i love them...
i think fondly of them...

but that is exactly why i feel this way...

i have come to realize that the feelings that i have for some friends do not match the actual way our friendship is now.

we have become further apart...

partly because a once lost friend of the other has re-entered her life and made it the way it was before i came into the pic...

don get the wrong idea...

i am very happy for her.

but since the recovery of that friendship...

i can't seem to behave the way i used to whenever i'm with her...

i can no longer hug her... she would push me aside...

she never did that before... in fact, she used to love it. it's something comforting for all of us... me, her, and all my other friends...

whenever she was down... all i needed to do was to hug her tight when no words could help... and everything would be fine. the great power in that small gesture of care seems to have no more effect... not even a little.

she is no longer as excited to see me as i am to see her... she would just walk pass me the way a stranger would...

she never did that before... in fact, she used to scream out my name from at least 1 km away.... sometimes.. she would even give me a chase and hugged me from behind... i loved it alot... i really did.

previously, i could easily come up to her and do all these things without hesitation and would get the warmest reaction from her, one that touched my heart deeply and further cemented my fondness towards her....

now... i have to seek her permission first and would never get even the slightest bit of happiness from her...

it is sad to see this friendship the way it has become. everytime i see her, my heart ached for i know that now, there is a big wall separating us, a wall erected by an unknown... not her, i hope.

i hope and wish to believe that all these are the doings of nature... the result of time and distance.... plainly that...nothing more...

but...

i long for the good old days... i long for her love and care towards me... i long to shower her with the comfort i used to be capable of...

i miss her...

A test I took with results that amazed me.

You're the official photographer!

We can see that you have more of an analytical mind than most people and that you're probably on hand to take record important events regardless of whether it is a wedding, graduation, or just the time when a group of friends came round for dinner.

This doesn't mean that you're herding people around in search of the perfect group photo, more that you think about the subjects more carefully than most. This attitude is also reflected in your personal life. We can't see you endlessly running blindly from task to task. It's not that you always take your time to do things properly, more that you think about the situation rather than just charging in to see what develops.